What do you do when your ward doesn't work?

First, a point of clarification: I don't intend to gripe, nor do I want to encourage griping.

But sometimes things don't go the way we'd like them to in our wards and branches. Maybe there's that member who gushes the same testimony each fast day. Maybe our home teachers haven't come in a year and a half. Maybe we wish the scouting program worked better for our kids. Maybe we worry that we need to talk with the bishop but we worry that he doesn't have enough time. Maybe we tire of poorly prepared and delivered lessons. Maybe… Well, you get the idea.

I think how we respond to these situations has a lot to do with how we feel in a particular ward. If we are constantly noticing the things that upset us, if we always have a better idea than those in charge, I suspect we're less likely to feel comfortable in the ward. On the other hand, it can be challenging to face the same issues week after week and ignore our own feelings.

I have an acquaintance who attends church in an inner city ward in a large US mid-western city. That ward is fortunate to have lots of converts. But that brings challenges as those new converts are invited to give talks or teach or serve in other ways. Often the opportunity to serve comes before lots of church experience, so sometimes non-LDS doctrine gets taught in sacrament meeting or in Primary. Sometimes people show up late and the order of speakers in sacrament meeting has to change on the fly. My friend is ok with all of that, saying that if we're going to be a missionary church we need to roll with the punches, and the fact that we have those issues is a great blessing because it means we have new members, and those new members will learn in time.

My own experience is that I need to be careful about how I share my views about what goes on at church around my kids. If they perceive that I complain, they complain. If they perceive that I'm judgmental, they are, too. If I find a more charitable way, they seem to, also. I'm sure they'll have plenty of examples of complainers in life, so I'd like to teach them a better way.

But having the more charitable attitude is helpful to me, too. When I have served in leadership positions in the past, I've been very grateful for the charity of members who looked past my flaws and saw my good intentions instead. And I was grateful for those who came and spoke frankly about concerns they had; sometimes I was unaware and needed feedback, and sometimes I was able to offer them new perspective that helped them understand differently than they had before.

I have an acquaintance who often uses the expression, "Assume positive intent." I think that's a good motto when it comes to fellow church servants. The church is remarkable in that one day you could be serving as bishop or Relief Society president and the next you can be leading the singing in Primary, or just the reverse. We fully expect people to rise to the callings they receive, and we believe that God will help them to do just that.

And faithful Latter-day Saints believe people serve because God has called them to do so. Griping about what so-and-so does as bishop seems to many to be taking God's role in the calling of so-and-so lightly. It is one of the wonders of the church in my mind that my normal good friend one day may be my bishop or quorum leader the next. And while he's still my good friend, I need to show him proper respect (and faith), too. Doing so helps me as much as it helps him.

And, of course, if there's egregious behavior, there are remedies. We can always appeal to presiding authority if we need to. I have done that in the past, having written about a particular situation to my stake president. In my letter I explained my concern, and I invited him to correct me if he needed to. He didn't contact me, so I assume he handled the matter. He mentioned the letter in an interview a year later, but only in passing, and we never discussed the matter after that.

In the end, it's probably not too pleasant to go to church where we feel uncomfortable. We ought to be refreshed and uplifted in church. For me, that process is easier when I approach others there with charity.