On knowing and believing

I had an interesting conversation with a friend recently.

She is a convert to the church and she has had some remarkable experiences which have taught her that God loves her, and that He has intervened in her life. She will tell you that she knows that Jesus suffered for her sins and by His atoning sacrifice she has already been greatly blessed.

And yet sometimes she feels weak and inadequate. Sometimes she feels unworthy of His love. She feels, sometimes, that she is not worth rescuing.

As I listened to her, I thought of my own experience. I joined the church with my parents when I was about nine, so I effectively grew up in the church. I have never doubted that God lives. I have never questioned that Savior suffered and died for me. I have repeatedly felt the witness of the Holy Ghost testifying of the truthfulness of the plan of salvation as it has been taught to me and as I have taught it to others.

And yet when it came time for me to call upon the atonement in a very real way, I did not reach for it.

I knew it was true, but I did not really believe it was true for me.

Of course at the time, I did not understand that’s what I was doing. By clinging to what I “knew”, I was looking through a glass darkly, seeing the shape of the atonement without allowing it to lift and comfort me as I had watched it do for others. I knew the facts of the atonement, but I did not believe it (enough).

Often our discussion is on the progression from belief to knowledge. For me, in this instance it’s moving from knowledge to belief – or perhaps better said, faith. Specifically developing the faith that the atonement – which I had seen work for others – could also work for me.

Fortunately on most days I have crossed that bridge. And on many days so has my friend. And I’ve recognized and enjoyed those blessings of the atonement in my life. But it is, I suspect, a challenging bridge for most of us to cross, precisely when we need to cross it.

On seeking a testimony

In an ongoing discussion with a young friend, I included a conversation about young Nephi from the Book of Mormon as he sought to understand something his father had taught him. Nephi's father Lehi had a vision of the Tree of Life, an archetypal story which represents God's love and our quest for it, as well as pitfalls along the way. Just after Lehi finishes his account of his vision, Nephi records:

"For it came to pass after I had desired to know the things that my father had seen, and believing that the Lord was able to make them known unto me, as I sat pondering in mine heart I was caught away in the Spirit of the Lord, yea, into an exceedingly high mountain, which I never had before seen, and upon which I never had before set my foot.

"And the Spirit said unto me: Behold, what desirest thou?

"And I said: I desire to behold the things which my father saw.

"And the Spirit said unto me: Believest thou that thy father saw the tree of which he hath spoken?

"And I said: Yea, thou knowest that I believe all the words of my father" (1 Nephi 11:1-5).

My questions to my young friend:

What do you learn from this scripture? Have you ever heard anyone teach something you want to know more about or something that you want to have a testimony of?

What did Nephi do?

- He DESIRED to know the things his father saw
- He BELIEVED the Lord could make them known to him
- He sat PONDERING in his heart
- He TOLD the Lord what he wanted
- He BELIEVED what his father said before he knew they were true

When we seek spiritual confirmation of truth, I think Nephi's experience is instructive.

Branding the Church?

I've had a hard time with this piece, because I don't want to criticize someone's heartfelt testimony, but earlier this month in a ward I visited one of those bearing testimony suggested that the church had one of the best and most consistent brands.

I have to say that comparing the greatest gift to mankind, the Good News, the Atonement of Jesus Christ, the organization that embodies the priesthood of God and the ordinances that allow the power of God to be manifest to men and women to a marketing scheme was more than a little disturbing to me.

Yes, I get that we have a consistent message. Yes, I get that our missionaries look the same the world over. Yes, I get that particularly with the present policies of the church there is great homogeneity.

But think of those young missionary elders. Although in silhouette they all look alike (short hair, white shirts and ties), behind each is an individual testimony, and individual set of spiritual experiences that either have matured or are maturing into individual witnesses of the truth of the gospel.

And think of those correlated lessons taught the world over. Each teacher has the right to individual inspiration as she or he teaches those lessons, so Gospel Principles Lesson 5 will be different in each class just because the teachers and members of those classes are in different places in the world and in their eternal walk back to Heavenly Father.

To suggest otherwise cheapens for me the Plan of Salvation and the incredible sacrifice of our elder brother to allow it to happen.

I understand the desire sometimes to equate gospel things to things we know and understand. We liken the scriptures unto ourselves. We take the Savior's parables to heart and tell gospel stories with tools of our day. But to suggest that the Lord's church is somehow the ultimate incarnation of a man-made model misses the mark.

Aristotle suggested that all art imitates an ideal, that anything crafted is an imitation of the ideal. Let us, therefore, not assume the church or the gospel are like creations of men. If any comparison is to be made, it ought to go in the opposite direction.