Turning Weakness Into Strength

Ten days ago I wrote about personal inventories, and a week ago, I wrote about sharing those inventories.

An inventory will likely include at least three things: some strengths (what we’re good at), some weaknesses (what we’re not so good at), and maybe some sins (what we’ve done wrong).

There is for me a key difference between weakness and sin. To me, a weakness is a lack of strength. It is an area where I may not have a natural talent, or where I may struggle with a particular temptation. A sin, on the other hand, is action taken by me to transgress God’s law. My sin may grow out of weakness. But it may also grow out of strength if my pride (a weakness) leads me to overestimate my strength.

Scriptures teach us that the redemptive nature of the atonement can save us from sin if we repent, and it can help us turn our weakness to strength. If I identify physical weakness, I might engage in a program of exercise and physical training to overcome that weakness. I may be more successful if I engage the help of a guide who understands the science of exercise. My personal efforts may lead directly to my overcoming my weakness.

Heber J. Grant is famous for overcoming his weakness in baseball and handwriting. Persistence and exercise helped him.

When I struggled with my response to stress in my life, a professional therapist helped me work a series of exercises that allowed me to have better control over my response to that stress, contributing to an improvement in my relationship with my wife and children.

Our trials may reveal weaknesses. In Ether we read:

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them (Ether 12:27).

In addition to whatever we may do by ourselves, the power of the atonement can also help us to overcome our weaknesses. That change may not come on our timetable, and we may not be able to control the outcome of that change. But it can come.

In the twelve-step program, the next step after sharing our inventory is preparing to have God remove our weaknesses, and then asking him to do so. Those steps make me think of Lamoni’s father who was willing to give away all his sins to know God (Alma 22:18). I think of preparing ourselves to have God remove our weaknesses like a visit to a chiropractor: the chiropractor aligns the spine for optimal performance; we align ourselves to God’s will for our optimal performance.

In the case of sin, we can repent. In the case of weakness, it’s not really repentance we need, but grace. In the case of our strengths, it’s humility. All three come to us through the atonement.

Lessons on parenting

Sometimes themes emerge in my life. Recently several areas of my life have converged to teach me a couple of lessons on parenting.

I have seven children, and just the youngest two are at home. One is a teenager and the other is right on the cusp of that turbulent period. You'd think by now I'd have this parenting of teenagers down, but one lesson I learned long ago is that each one is different and it takes some time to learn the individual approach required.

In conference I heard two talks that hit me in the eyes as a father. First (in the order it impressed me, not the order given) was Elder Lawrence's talk on courageous parenting. In it he suggested that parents who have misgivings about their children's choices should express those misgivings. But it was the subtlety of a story he told that really impressed me:

Years ago our 17-year-old son wanted to go on a weekend trip with his friends, who were all good boys. He asked for permission to go. I wanted to say yes, but for some reason I felt uncomfortable about the trip. I shared my feelings with my wife, who was very supportive. “We need to listen to that warning voice,” she said.

Of course, our son was disappointed and asked why we didn’t want him to go. I answered honestly that I didn’t know why. “I just don’t feel good about it,” I explained, “and I love you too much to ignore these feelings inside.” I was quite surprised when he said, “That’s OK, Dad. I understand.”

What impressed me is that he expressed his concern for his son without a rule, without citing a higher authority (or demanding deference to himself as the authority). He simply told his son that he didn't feel good about the decision.

The second conference talk that hit me was Elder Uceda's in the priesthood session, in which he told of a father who demanded compliance with his plan for family scripture study. The father, after his daughter ran from the room, did two things that were impressive to me. First, he prayed, acknowledging to the Lord his error in the way he spoke to his child. Then he humbly apologized to the child. It may seem too much a coincidence that the child was also ready to apologize and seek her father's forgiveness, but I'm not at all surprised by that. The father was humble enough in his apology to accept his daughter's reading about the natural man as applying to him when the daughter intended it for herself.

That prayerful humility is powerful.

The third lesson came from Sister Sylvia Allred, First Counselor in the General Relief Society presidency. She spoke at an Interfaith event sponsored by my company last week about strengthening families. After reviewing the pressure on families' time in recent years (citing a time-diary study from the University of Michigan using data from 1981 and 1997) she reiterated (without explicitly saying so) the lessons of Elder Oaks' "good, better, best" principle of priority setting in the use of scare family time. And, among other things, she urged the audience (which included people of many faiths) to have dinner with their families. That simple act of eating together would, she said, contribute to family unity, allow for conversation, and help improve family diets.

Having missed dinner at home a few times in the past two weeks, I know that I have missed that interaction with my children.

Listening for the promptings of the spirit, prayerfully and humbly seeking reconciliation when needed, and spending quality time together – what great and simple lessons for parents, especially for me.