My good bishop

When I pray in a meeting in our ward, I typically include the sentence, “And please bless our good bishop and those who serve with him.” And in our family prayers I often include the sentence, “And please bless our good bishop and his family.”

Although I use those words often, they are not a vain repetition. I have come to learn through my own experience that the men who serve as bishops are good men who desire to do good things. They are the product of their own experience, to be sure, and each brings his own personality and even biases to the calling. But I have also observed that each bishop I have known personally carries a specific mantle associated with his calling – one that comes when he is called and leaves when he is released.

Some of my bishops have been good friends of mine before their calling. It would have been easy for me to assume that my friend was the bishop and therefore I knew him. In one case, my bishop and I had served together in the church for years in a variety of capacities before his call as bishop. His son and mine had been good friends for nearly their whole lives. His wife and mine were also close friends.

And yet, when he was called and serving as my bishop, there was something about him that was distinct and precious. Because he was my good bishop.

My lovely wife and I had the chance to meet with our new bishop yesterday. We visited with him about some challenges that we are facing in our family. We wanted him to be aware and to seek any counsel he might have to offer. We have, from time to time, met with other bishops on family matters, not because of their professional training or their personal charisma, but because we honor and respect them as those called by the Lord to be our good bishop.

There was no earth-shaking revelation that came out of yesterday’s meeting. But there was this (and though it does not surprise me, it does amaze me): Our good bishop listened to us for quite some time. He allowed us to do about 80% of the talking in our interview. He asked a few clarifying questions, and shared an observation or two along the way. After we had said nearly everything we had come to say, he reached for his scriptures, turned to a particular verse and said, “I was reading this chapter the other day and came across this verse. I’m sure you’ve read it, but perhaps it will mean something to you today. It struck me so much that I underlined it.” And then he read a verse which offered such comfort and peace; it reinforced other counsel we had heard previously, and it reaffirmed truth taught by the modern prophets.

Looking back there are several amazing things to me:

1. Our good bishop listened so well. He let us share what we’d come to tell him.

2. Our good bishop did not try to solve our problem. My lovely wife told him in the course of her sharing that she knew he could not resolve the issue we brought to him, but that we hoped that by sharing it, there would be help for all involved.

3. Our good bishop listened for inspiration. I had a stake president counsel me once that when I was bishop, I should listen 75% of the time in an interview, and during that listening time, I should be praying for inspiration so that when I spoke, I would say what the Lord gave me to say.

4. Our bishop taught us from the scriptures – scriptures he knew and studied; indeed he shared a verse that he had just read himself in his personal study. I count it as a tender mercy that he had read and retained what would comfort us.

5. The spirit confirmed the counsel we received. As the bishop shared the verse he did from the Book of Mormon, and as he concluded our meeting with prayer, the spirit’s influence was palpable. The Lord’s love for us and for our family, as manifest by our good bishop and by the spirit, was obvious to us.

I read comments from time to time about struggles members have with their local leaders, and it saddens me. I remember a relationship with a bishop I had years ago that was not very positive; we served together on the ward council and did not see eye to eye, and it was a difficult period for me. I am grateful that since that time, however, I’ve been fortunate to have positive relationships with my good bishops. (I think that I’ve grown up a bit since that earlier experience, and I freely admit that at least a large portion of the issues I had with that bishop years ago were mine, not his.)

I am certainly grateful for the good bishop I have today and for his dedicated service, and for his wife and children who support him.

More apostolic counsel some might have missed...

Last week I blogged about apostolic counsel regarding beards. I must say, there were lots of hits to that post – it rose to one of my top ten posts in two days, and over the weekend it hit the top five. This one might not be so interesting. But I thought I’d note some other apostolic counsel that might have gone unnoticed.

Elder Scott spoke about temple worship in 2009. His talk is here.

In his talk, Elder Scott lists ten things we can do to improve our temple worship.

Number six on his list:

Remove your watch when you enter a house of the Lord.

Now, I attend the temple pretty regularly. And lots of people I see haven’t removed their watches. I’ve not heard anyone repeat Elder Scott’s counsel in any meetings. But I try to remember to take off my watch when I’m in the temple. Why? Because that bit of counsel is really helpful to me. It helps to center me on the moment that I am in the temple. I’m less tempted to think into the future to the next three things on my day’s agenda. And the act of removing my watch is a physical reminder of the timelessness of the work I do in the temple.

Do I believe that the removal of my watch when entering the temple is a commandment?

Nope.

Why not? An apostle said it in conference.

If it were a commandment, as I suggested in my last post, I suspect it would have been discussed more in conference and in policy documents from the church.

Is it good counsel?

You bet. I try to follow it, and it helps me to feel more “present” in the temple, just as Elder Scott said it would.

What about all those people wearing watches in the temple session?

What about them? They are not my responsibility. Maybe they didn’t pick up on Elder Scott’s counsel. Maybe they just forgot this time around to remove their watch. Maybe for some reason they need to wear a watch. In reality, it doesn’t make any difference at all to my temple worship unless I worry about it. Which I don’t.

I don’t think someone who wears a watch in the temple is making a grave error. Maybe for him or her the counsel isn’t as important because a watch is not a distraction as it is for me.


By the way, here’s Elder Scott’s complete list. There’s some really good stuff here:

Understand the doctrine related to temple ordinances, especially the significance of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

While participating in temple ordinances, consider your relationship to Jesus Christ and His relationship to our Heavenly Father. This simple act will lead to greater understanding of the supernal nature of the temple ordinances.

Always prayerfully express gratitude for the incomparable blessings that flow from temple ordinances. Live each day so as to give evidence to Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son of how very much those blessings mean to you.

Schedule regular visits to the temple.

Leave sufficient time to be unhurried within the temple walls.

Rotate activities so that you can participate in all of the ordinances of the temple.

Remove your watch when you enter a house of the Lord.

Listen carefully to the presentation of each element of the ordinance with an open mind and heart.

Be mindful of the individual for whom you are performing the vicarious ordinance. At times pray that he or she will recognize the vital importance of the ordinances and be worthy or prepare to be worthy to benefit from them.

Recognize that much of the majesty of the sealing ordinance cannot be understood and remembered with one live experience. Substantial subsequent vicarious work permits one to understand much more of what is communicated in the live ordinances.

Realize that a sealing ordinance is not enduring until after it is sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise. Both individuals must be worthy and want the sealing to be eternal.

Apostolic counsel on beards

I really enjoyed reading a blog at my blogging-friend Middle-Aged Mormon Man's site the other day. The link is here. (Go ahead. It’s a quick read.)

MMM deals with two subjects: dress and grooming. And he got me thinking because he explained at least one of the reasons why he does not have a beard. He posted this quotation from a talk by Elder Russell M. Nelson:

To bear the priesthood means you have a personal responsibility to magnify your calling. Let each opportunity to serve help to develop your power in the priesthood. In your personal grooming, follow the example of the living prophets. Doing so gives silent expression that you truly comprehend the importance of “the Holy Priesthood, after the Order of the Son of God.” Russell M. Nelson, October Conference, 2003.

He listed some other reasons, but they don’t matter to me at all.

I have from time to time reflected on why I have a beard. I’ve worn a beard off and on (several years on, several years off) since grad school over 25 years ago. And when anyone has asked me why I have a beard, my answer (thought, not always spoken) is, “Why not?”

I’ve only been asked to shave my beard once in all those years, and that was a few years ago when I was called to serve as an ordinance worker in the Taipei Taiwan Temple. I happily shaved. (As I told a young friend who thought it unfair that I had to shave, I would have gladly shaved my head to work in the temple.)

I’ve worn my beard while serving as a bishop (twice). The first time was in Latin America and I had a beard at the time of my call. It never occurred to me to ask if I could keep the beard. I just kept it. And no one said anything about it – not my stake president, not the area authority seventy who lived in our stake, not even Elder Hales, whom I chauffeured during his visit for a regional conference.

The second time was in the US, and I specifically asked my stake president at the time he extended the call. He said it was my choice. There was another bishop serving in our stake at that time who also had a full beard.

No one at work has ever asked me to shave, either. I’ve had a beard while working far from our home office in foreign assignments and also while working in the world headquarters of our Fortune 10 company.

My family likes my beard (although my youngest daughter doesn’t like it when I’m growing a new one; it’s too scratchy). My wife likes my beard, but has never pressured me to keep it.

I have no issue recognizing that in certain callings (for instance, temple service and full time missionary work) the church asks men to shave. That is the church’s prerogative, and I feel no need to justify that choice or to have an explanation. But except for Elder Nelson’s counsel as quoted by MMM, and the specific guidelines for temple workers and full time missionaries, I have seen nothing official that suggests a restriction on beards for men. (Yeah, I went to BYU, so I know they also have restrictive grooming standards, but BYU is not the church.)

And since reading MMM’s blog the other day, I’ve looked. Searching the last ten years’ worth of conference addresses and church magazines, I found lots of discussions about dress and grooming. The “dress” part is almost always around modesty for women (with a perfunctory nod toward men, also) and proper attire for blessing and passing the sacrament for young men (white shirts and ties preferred, but not required). And the grooming comments, also directed primarily at the youth, are summarized by the words “neat and clean.”

So what to do with Elder Nelson’s counsel? I could:

1. Ignore it, assuming this is one man’s opinion.

2. Interpret it as a dictum against beards and shave mine in obedience to the counsel of an apostle.

3. Assume I am following it. After all, I do look to the Brethren for guidance in my dress and grooming: I wear white shirts and ties (if not always a suit; sometimes I wear a sport coat and dress slacks) to church. My hair and beard are neatly trimmed and are quite conservative in their appearance.

Some background on how I feel about this sort of thing:

1. I dig obedience. Nephi was obedient and was blessed. Joshua was obedient and blessed. (Those are the two prophets I’m reading about right now as I’m reading for Sunday School and trying to keep up with my son’s Old Testament reading for seminary.) And I do sustain the apostles and first presidency as prophets, seers and revelators, so I’m anxious to be obedient. To obey is better than to sacrifice (see 1 Samuel 15). Blessings are predicated upon obedience (see D&C 130).

2. My mission president taught us an interesting lesson from his experience. Although of German descent, he lived in Idaho prior to his call as a mission president. He used to drive to Salt Lake for conference, and then home again. He liked to drive fast. In one particular conference, President Kimball reminded people in his concluding remarks to obey all traffic laws on the way home, and my mission president was crushed. The 55 mph speed limit was in force in those days on interstates, and he felt compelled to drive that speed because President Kimball asked him to. (Don’t start a discussion about why he wouldn’t obey traffic laws without the prophet’s specific request; that’s not the point.) So, obeying prophetic direction is a good thing.

3. Also on my mission I heard Elder Theodore M. Burton speak. He was a Seventy and was the Area Administrator (a predecessor to area presidents) for the area that included our mission. He taught a valuable principle for scripture study: the most important lessons are repeated in the scriptures. It’s more reliable, he taught us, to focus on doctrine that is found in multiple passages than in one half of one obscure verse. The most important truths are taught regularly.

4. I believe that we can often receive counsel specific to our situation and our circumstance in conference. The revelation that comes through the Holy Ghost may or may not be directly related to the message we’re hearing. President Eyring visited our stake and talked about this once. He said he’s learned not to disagree with someone who thanks him for speaking on a specific subject that the listener needed to hear, even if he did not specifically address that topic. He said he’s learned that sometimes the spirit will augment what he says so that a listener may get the message he or she needs. Similarly, I’ve noticed for myself that some messages in conference bear more weight based on my needs or questions at a particular time.

So with that background, what do I do?

1. Apparently when Elder Nelson made this particular comment it didn’t strike me enough to make an impression – at least not the impression that I shouldn’t have a beard. Many conference messages do strike me, by the way. I take notes in conference and I note specifically messages of importance to me.

2. It seems a no-beard reading of Elder Nelson’s comment has not been corroborated specifically in other conference addresses. I’ve heard no one else speak in those terms in other conference addresses, in other leadership meetings, or even in our post conference discussions of Elder Nelson’s talk.

3. I do not like the notion that whether I wear a beard or a white shirt (or whether a sister wears a particular style of dress) is a tacit indicator of my righteousness. And I don’t think Elder Nelson would be happy with that idea, either. (Elder Nelson has given plenty of talks suggesting that all of God’s children can qualify for his blessings, and plenty of the Brethren have reminded us that we should be accepting of diversity among us, encouraging all to come unto Christ.) I do my best to honor my covenants and to keep the commandments. I frankly wouldn’t enjoy looking at my fellow saints and wondering why they do or don’t shave or wear the same clothing as I do or have some number of piercings or tattoos. That said, I completely agree that we ought to dress and groom carefully for church to honor God (not to show off – remember those nasty Zoramites?).

As for me and my beard, what will I do? I don’t know. Probably nothing for now. But I’ll keep thinking about it. And you can bet if my wife or my bishop or my stake president asks me to shave it, I will.


PS: As I did some research for this post, I found a number of commenters on other related posts who claimed that President Hinckley taught "some years ago" that all priesthood holders should be clean shaven. If someone can provide me an accurate reference for that quote, maybe I'll provide a prize!

To listen

My wife reminds me from time to time that my job is not always to fix things. Sometimes it's to listen.

I thought of that reminder when I read "We come over, and sit" by Aaron R. at Mormon Matters yesterday.

Sometimes when we visit our bishop, we do so seeking counsel, seeking The Answer to our question, and sometimes the bishop can deliver. After all, he has certain gifts and authority by virtue of his calling. Often a wise bishop will, however, just listen.

It took some effort on my part to learn to listen when I was a bishop. Not that I could not listen when someone spoke. I even did well at reflective listening, that is repeating back what someone had said to me to confirm my understanding. But I was, initially at least, subject to my own distaste for silence. I felt a need to fill the gaps in a conversation, and sometimes I'd fill them with my own voice.

My first time as bishop I served in South America, speaking Spanish (not my native language, and not my mission language, either). My stake president counseled that a bishop should spend less than 30% of an interview talking, and the rest of the time he should be praying for inspiration so that when he spoke what he said would be useful. That was good counsel. And it was necessary for me, except my prayer was often that I would understand and be understood.

Fortunately the members of my ward were patient and understanding with me. They helped me with my Spanish skills. They patiently repeated themselves if I did not understand, and were noticeably relieved when they finally felt I did understand.

During another assignment as bishop I had a friend who had a significant issue. The issue doesn't matter. We talked about it a number of times. On one occasion he asked me on the phone if I were speaking as his friend or his bishop. Without thinking about the question or about him, I answered that I spoke as his bishop. As I hung up the phone I knew I had not said the right thing. I finished some other business at the church and then drove the half hour to his home where I found him sullen and not very willing to visit.

We sat in his living room in silence for some time. Finally I said, "I am your friend, too, you know. And I care about what happens to you." More silence. And then he finally began to speak. To share what he was feeling. To share his fears and concerns. To tell his side of the story. He spoke and I listened for about an hour. I had little to offer him except a listening ear. In the end, not much changed, except he knew I had listened to him. And I had learned an important lesson.

When I got home later that day, I found an email, written by him between my phone call and my visit. It said, "A friend would have listened. A friend would have cared about how I felt." And he was right.

As I think back on this experience, I am grateful for the spiritual nudge to go and see him. And to listen.